This is a series of musings from my big leather (really broken-in – to the point of broken-down) chair.
- A few years ago a series of movies came out which were called Men in Black. The premise of these movies was that there were aliens living among us, undetected by most of us. While I was initially skeptical, I have recently begun to be more open to the possibility; and today I think I found compelling evidence that this concept is factual. You see, I went to Subway for lunch. It started out well enough. Even though it was the middle of the noon hour, there was only one being in front of me in line. It seemed like she was a typical young female… until she began to try to order. She had no idea what kinds of foods they had. She needed to see the different types of bread which were available, and she didn’t know that you order condiments after the meat and cheese are applied. Now here’s the thing: Subway is the LARGEST food chain in the WORLD, recently having surpassed McDonalds – with over 33,000 restaurants worldwide, 24,000 of which are in the US (Which is where I was attempting to order). It would be a statistical improbability that she had never encountered a Subway restaurant before, given her apparent age of 20-something years. To corroborate my findings, this sort of thing happens with increasing frequency. You find life-forms in line at Burger King or McDonalds asking things like: do you have a combination meal that includes fries and a drink? Or, do you have kids’ meals (hello, Happy Meal)? These are perfectly logical questions… IF YOU JUST LANDED IN A SPACESHIP FROM MARS! There is also another, more subtle sign that I have observed: some of these beings will stand in a line for 5-10 minutes at a fast-food restaurant and then when their turn arrives at the cash register, they begin to study the menu above the cashier’s head, as if they are totally unaware of the fact that the menu has been there for the entire time that they have been in line. For years, I dismissed these aberrations as just that – aberrations… abnormal behavior from lower aptitude humans, but I can’t ignore the mounting evidence: there is a growing army of aliens infiltrating our planet. However, all hope isn’t lost. They will probably all starve to death trying to figure out how to order their food.